"guys I’m not trying to steal your girlfriends off you, I’m just playing with them"

on women and the road: "I go to a show, and I can have people who really want to spend a lot of time with me if I want them to. That's another balance for me. I think it is the same as anything in life. You have to find a way to control yourself and do things that make you feel healthy, hopefully."

John on settling down with a girl:

"I dont want to pull over at the next exit to pee, but I just downed a whole Arizona iced tea. So I'm starting to think about where the next truck stop is."

"I'm a love-dealer." ~referring to YBIAW and how people get busy to it

"I am beginning to know what it feels like to be a woman. To have people looking at you all the time. And I’m sorry ladies i had no idea! But people are looking at me all the time. Its like i have musical boobies!"

"So I was thinkin’ about relationships and about how it pertains to songs

about relationships, And uh, I was trying to think, well it occurred to me

that the key, I figured out the key to a relationship and how to make it

work. Check it out, this is, this is, a tip from your uncle John, check it

out."

"When you first meet somebody, you find out they like you, first of

all, a friend of a friend of theirs say, he or she really really likes you,

and it kills you, floors you, sends you to the ground, you’ve got to pick

yourself up off the ground; then you get their phone number and you call

them up, right, and you say “Yeah, that’s a really great phone conversation,

can I see you some time?” and then they say this, they say “I’d like that.”

Nothing feels better than I’d like that. So now, your blood pressures’ goin,

you’re six feet off the ground, you can’t sleep, because of “I’d like that.”

"So then you hang out for a while, and you call and you talk on the

phone all the time, and then you drop the bomb, what feels like the bomb,

you say “ you know what, I’ve been thinkin about you a lot.” And she goes

*ahhhhhhh. And you go “what happened?” and she goes “I’m sorry, I just, I

just, I just, that’s, I’ve been thinking about you too.” Bam. Higher into

the sky. But now “I’d like that.” *tch. Done. Now you’re up to “I’m thinkin

about you.” Then however number of months pass, it makes you feel

comfortable saying it, you say “I gotta tell you something.” They go “what”,

you go “I’m in love with you.” And nothing in the world sounds better than

“I’m in love with you.”

"And then maybe she starts crying, or maybe he goes *gasp. And all

the sudden you’re like “I’m in.” But now what doesn’t work – “I’d like

that.” And “I’ve been thinkin about you.” Now we’re at “I’m in love with

you.” The maybe some day it’ll move up to “I love you.” Fast forward, now

you’re like “I love you al… I love you more than anything in life.” Now “I

love you.” doesn’t work. It’s a threshold that keeps movin up. Fast forward,

like six months, six weeks, whatever the case may be, now you’re on like, “I

want to marry you.” “I want to impregnate you with my love.” “I wanna, I

wanna just send my love to you.” “Damn it, words don’t work anymore.”

"And then you say this line, and you know, you know you’ve used this

line before, “I just wish they’d put a new word in the dictionary bigger

than love because love just doesn’t describe what I feel.” And so now he or

she starts askin, “Do you love me?” and you start goin, “Of course I love

you.” “Well say it.” And then it becomes “Say it twice.” And it goes “Say

it three times.” And then, you cross a really interesting point, where all

the sudden it becomes “I hate you, I hate you.” And you go, “Oh my god she

hates me.” And now it’s like “I hate you more than anything.” And then it’s

like “We’re over.” And then they go “No we’re not.” And you go “Yes we are.”

"I'm so ready to be in-love, I'm so ready to be sick to my stomach missing somebody, I'm so ready to say goodbye to my girlfriend when she comes to visit me for 2 days and choke on my tears in the back of the van silently for the first half hour of the ride. I want it. It's just not my time."

"I'm looking for my ideal soul mate. That is somebody who is confident enough to feel love at a moment when love is not being given. A lot of times, I feel like I'm on the road to support a family I dont even have yet. I dont have to tour as much as I do, but I want to for that future family."

"What I’m doing is self-sufficient and lives in it’s own village. We have our own hospital and our own police station and our own stadium and we don’t need to borrow from any other town."

"Love is a hot shower where your skin never prunes."

"I might be a clergyman. I really might just be the guy who loves playing music so much that I will never have a solid relationship. If I'm on a date with somebody, I can't wait to go home and play guitar. If I even seal the deal, I can't wait for them to leave to play the guitar." -MSNBC Interview

"i have learned that i am a pimp. now you may be thinking two things....1. where are you going with this john? and 2. john, are you tired of being alone.......DAMN STRAIGHT!"

"As much as I tried and as much metaphorical blood I has on my hands from trying to perform so many emotional surgeries and constantly breaking my own heart with it eventually you realize it's not about her anymore. I remember I was like 'I hate your dad. I hate whatever happened to you that really kind of paralysed you.

"Ok since almost all of the songs I've played so far have been about love your probably wondering what is wrong with me. For the most part I need a girlfriend or something. I cry when I see couples, and I'm not sure if any of you have seen this commercial but There is that one Coke commercial where the guy is talking and he is like 'When I first met her she had the most gorgeous panties I had ever seen, but now, when I look in the hamper, her panties look like my mothers'. That is the grossest thing ever but I started crying cause I want that. Sometimes when I'm not on tour I will watch my friend's pets, at least then I have some company. I just really want a hot girl's company!!"

"I don't understand cheating at all. I'd prefer to have an agreement with a girl to call me when she felt like cheating. Her hand could be on the guy's zipper as long as she had the phone in the other hand, saying, 'I wanna break up'."

"...like Willy Wonka says, "Strike that and reverse it.", it was the other way around...I JUST QUOTED WILLY WONKA! ... I would like to take this moment out to reassert the fact that I like girls."

"Man, I'm doing such a great job fooling all these broads into thinking that I'm real sensitive and then getting in their pants. Damn it's easy"

"I wanna be a better man. I'm trying to figure out what I can do in my life to make it so that one day when my wife tells me she hears something downstairs and she wants me to go check it out, that I don't completely wet myself as I'm going down the stairs."

(Talking about looking through your phone book on your cell) "They suck, they're sleeping, they're sleeping, nah, nope, they suck... then you pick the one that sucks the least and call them. They'll do for now."

"you know when you get that feeling when your brain says yes, but your heart says no. And your brain's like 'come on heart' and your heart's 'like come on John, make your brain shut up' and so you go 'just stop it, both of you' and then you all get in a huge argument"

“People are like boxes of colors. Sometimes you meet the standard 16 count. I like to consider myself the 64 count box with the sharpener in the back. Lately I've been meeting the jumbo 8 count kind.[then he goes on talk about how there are so many subtle colors that not everyone takes the time to notice...] Its like your talking to someone about magenta and she says 'Oh, purple. I know that game' and you’re like ‘no bitch I'm talking about magenta!"