‘There is a sign that says Cleveland loves you. Thank you for confusing the @#%$ out of me this evening.’

‘You can’t buy me John!’ and his response ‘Well alright, that’s cool.’

(From the 2003 Launch.com interview) "Let be honest, most girls who scream "I love you", "I want to have your baby!" are screaming that in a more recreational , kind of like sportsman spectator like way. And if you were like "I dont have a Condom" you know...They'd Run!!!"

"I've always said I've got the coolest fans, and I brag about you like grandchildren when I talk to other artists."

"I can tell there are a lot of Avril fans here because they're wearing ties, and I can tell the guys that are inspired by me because they're wearing dirty underwear."

"I usually don't sing happy birthday but it's kind of hard to ignore the big pink sign in front of me, so happy birthday Jocelyn. You know I don't wanna become like Fridays where I come out and sing happy birthday and Dave and I start smakin each others asses."

"I'm gonna move to Salt Lake City and marry all of my fans."